by Ted Lowe | Feb 28, 2017 | Leadership, Training
by Ted Lowe
Four times a year, I have the privilege of sharing at a marriage retreat for an organization called Myles Apart. Myles Apart was started by my dear friends, Tina and Sam Dula, after their son Myles was diagnosed with autism. Each quarter, this marriage retreat ministers to six couples who have children with autism and other special needs. These couples do indeed need a retreat.
While everyone’s story is unique, these couples always have similar struggles: the financial burden of expensive therapies, the lack of time as a couple and guilty feelings that they aren’t or can’t do enough to help their children. While they have similar struggles, the way they cope can be very different. In fact, for some, autism has been the thing that has made them closer than ever before. For others, it’s the thing that has pushed them further apart. So, what’s the difference in these two types of couples? The answers are relevant to ALL married couples.
INTENTIONAL PERSPECTIVE
The couples that are thriving have a different perspective than the couples who are struggling. This perspective didn’t just happen, almost all of them had a defining moment when one or both of them decided to change their perspective. One lady said, “One day, I decided I was going to stop using my husband as a punching bag and start using him for a soft place to land.” Couples who are thriving see each other as a team who work together instead of two opponents who compare whose life is harder.
INTENTIONAL HELP
Couples that are thriving accomplish what can seem like the impossible task of finding outside help they can actually afford. They make the hard ask of their family and friends to help them love this child with some very special needs. They realize that they have to have time to recharge their batteries if they are going to give their child the love and care they need.
You don’t have to have a child with special needs to take a cue from these couples. Just like them, it’s easy to play the ”My life is harder than yours game” with our spouse. The next time you catch yourself playing that game, stop and thank your spouse for what they do for the family. It will not only make them want to work harder, but they will appreciate what you do more as well.
Secondly, find some help. So many times we take everything on by ourselves, leaving no space for our marriage. Send the kids to grandmas, or ask a friend to take a kid to practice so you can have a weekly or bi-monthly date night. Feel guilty? Then trade favors. Chances are other parents need some time together too.
While not every couple has a child with special needs, every marriage has special needs. What are you doing to meet the special needs of your marriage?
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
by Ted Lowe | Feb 23, 2017 | Outreach, Training
by Ted Lowe
Why should churches have a marriage strategy?
Potential Answer One: Because marriage is the reflection of Christ and the Church.
If this is the case, then shouldn’t the church do everything in its power to ensure that reflection makes Christ and the Church look really great? Marriage is important because it points to something even more important; how much God loves His people.
Potential Answer Two: Because marriage greatly impacts children
As I have visited churches all over the country, one thing is clear: the church cares about kids. Just check out the kids space/wing/facility/amusement parks of most churches. One of the best gifts we can give a child is helping their parents have great marriages. Or if that child isn’t in a two-parent home, then we can still surround them with adults who have great marriages.
Potential Answer Three: Maybe the church shouldnt help marriages.
A lot of churches aren’t doing anything proactive to help marriages. Maybe that’s because they subconsciously or consciously think it’s not the churches place or area of expertise. Maybe we should continue to leave it up to professionals like counselors and/or parachurch organizations.
While I can’t argue potential answer three as a good answer, I have and do argue the case of potential answer one and two. But the answer I think is the best, is none of the above.
Why should the churches have a marriage strategy?
I think this is the best answer: Because marriage is a spiritual issue.
Of all three biblical purposes for marriage: functional (Genesis 2:18-25), sacramental (Ephesians 5:22-33), and transformational (Ephesians 5:15-33), the purpose of transformation seems superior to the other two purposes. This purpose of marriage and the purpose of the church is the same—to make people more like Jesus and draw them closer to God. It makes sense really.
When marriage isn’t working, it robs people of their best possible relationship with God. If you are passionate about children and their faith, then empowering marriages is a must. Family is the platform on which God builds faith. Faith affects family. Family affects faith.
What’s your answer to the question: Why should the churches have a marriage strategy?
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
by Tim Walker | Feb 14, 2017 | Training
Marriage ministry can be awesome.
It can be fun.
It can be challenging.
It can be lonely.
The MarriedPeople team wants to help you navigate all of it, and surround you with people who are like-minded as well. That’s why we think attending the Orange Conference 2017 is a really, really good thing for those of you who are helping marriages.
Here are the marriage ministry breakouts we have planned for OC17. Find the ones that fit where you are and what you need. And our team will also be around, either at breakouts or in the Orange booth, to answer questions during the conference. You can also connect and meet your MarriedPeople Orange Specialist, Nancy Squires (who is really quite wonderful).
We hope to see you there!
OC 17 Breakouts
Our Best Us
Timeslot: Workshop 1
Room: Room 15
Speaker: Ted Lowe
Track: MarriedPeople
Are you married and on staff or volunteering at your church? For this breakout, take off your ministry hat. This breakout is about being a husband or a wife. This breakout is about helping you and your spouse become your best US—not a replica of another couple, but the US God intended you two to be. Ted Lowe, author and director of MarriedPeople, will give you some practical tools to help you and your spouse keep your eyes on each other in the midst of life and ministry.
Using One Night Events to Reach Your Neighbors
Timeslot: Workshop 2
Room: Room 15
Speaker: Ted Lowe
Track: MarriedPeople
You have a great church and great people, but not everyone wants to come to your church on Sunday. It’s not personal. It’s just not their thing. But your church can still reach your neighbors because while they may not be sure how they feel about church, they do know how they feel about their marriage . . . they want it to be great! And with an authentic, fun-filled night with relevant teaching, your church can help marriages in your church AND your community.
MarriedPeople Interactive
Timeslot: Workshop 4
Room: Room 15
Speaker: Ted Lowe
Track: MarriedPeople
When it comes to marriage, every day is full of challenges and victories. And to be honest, just getting out the door Sunday morning can put most marriages to the test. That’s why you need MarriedPeople, the marriage division of Orange! Join us to explore the three facets of the MarriedPeople strategy and curriculum: inspiring large groups, empowering small groups, and equipping individual couples. You’ll leave with well-tested, practical ideas for creating and maintaining a proactive marriage ministry in your church.
Marriage Ministry: Your Toughest Audience—Singles, Millennials & Military
Timeslot: Breakout C
Speaker: Ted Lowe and guests
Track: Married People
Every area of ministry has its challenges, and marriage ministry is no exception. How do you talk about marriage in a way that appeals to the men in your church without isolating the women (and vice versa)? How do you help military families who experience extended times apart? How do you appeal to millennials, while also engaging older couples? And what about singles—how do you talk about marriage without neglecting these vital members of your congregation? Join us in this breakout, as Ted Lowe and guests tackle these questions like these and more.
The MarriedPeople Strategy: Whys and Hows
Speaker: Coming Soon
Track: Married People
MarriedPeople is the marriage division of Orange. It’s a foundational Orange concept that what happens at home is just as important as what happens at church. We get that with kids, but it’s also true for the married couples in your church. Because as any married couple can tell—disconnection happens easily, connection takes intention. Your church can be strategic in helping couples connect. This breakout will walk you through some ways your church can be marriage heroes and impact couples inside your church and in your neighborhood.
Come join us at The Orange Conference 2017 and find out how your church can help marriages—for couples inside the walls of your church and your neighbors!
Tim Walker is an editor on the MarriedPeople team, and blogger at timswords.com.
by Ted Lowe | Jan 18, 2017 | Training
by Ted Lowe
If you have been following MarriedPeople, then you are probably familiar with our mission statement/tagline: Helping Churches Help Marriages. We say all the time that we want to make the church the hero. Why? Because we believe that the church has to own marriage—meaning marriage has to be part of the overall church strategy.
As we create resources, we want to make them as plug and play as possible, yet in a way that church leaders can make it their own. This is certainly true as we create resources to help you pull off what we call Larger Group Experiences. These Larger Group Experiences can be one-night events, worship services, and/or retreats.
When we initially created Larger Group Experience resources, we provided a message outline and a message written out word for word. We wanted to make the message preparation as easy as possible for the communicator, yet, once again, giving them full freedom to make it their own.
We didn’t care if the communicator used 10% or 95% of what we provided, as long as it was helpful. We still provide message outlines and written messages as part of our Larger Group Experiences, and church partners let us know it is very helpful.
BUT, a couple of years ago, some church leaders let us know an outline and written message weren’t enough. Their staff and volunteers simply didn’t have the bandwidth to prepare and give messages. So, now we provide not only the message outlines and written messages, but also a video message. This allows churches to simply show the message as a part of their program. This has made it much more doable and works well for many churches.
So if you are wondering if you should show the message or have one of your leaders give it live at your event, we say, Yes. We say yes to what works for the reality of your church.
We believe ultimately your church leaders have the most influence and credibility with your audience. We also believe that it is okay for your people to occasionally hear from someone outside your church, yet someone your church leader endorses.
The video needs a leader of your church to say, “Tonight I want you to hear from Ted Cunningham, a pastor/speaker/author. What he has to say was powerful for our marriage, and we think it will be powerful for yours too.” It’s as easy, yet as essential as that.
So, should you show a video communicator at your Larger Group Experience for married people? Ultimately, only you can make that decision.
Just remember, if you’re reluctant to do a Larger Group Experience because you don’t have a communicator, use the video. It’s better to invest in marriages by using a video, than to make no investment at all.
And most of all, trust yourself. You know your audience better than we do.
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
