by Guest Writer | Dec 14, 2017 | Faith
A Brief Confession
I have a short list of confessions to make as I write this article on work/life balance.
- I believe balance is overrated and rather boring. A perfectly balanced see-saw doesnt go anywhere. We are incomplete without the ups and downs of circumstances. We learn to lean in, to share strength with others, to trust, to breathe. God reveals Himself fully in the ups and downs. He is our balance.
- I know there are seasons in every life that are all-in moments where extra amounts of grace are extended, extra reserves of energy are discovered, and extra helpings of caffeine are welcomed.
- I am a workaholic who comes from a long line of workaholics. My grandfather neglected time with his family because things just needed tending. My dad found solace in alcohol and prescription drugs to deal with the stress of never enough time to do it all. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder almost two decades ago, in the midst of one of the most successful chapters of my career. For me, every season was an all-in out-of-control rodeo ride on that see-saw.
- I’m writing this while sitting in a recliner in my flannel pajamas. I no longer work in a traditional office setting. Working from home definitely has its benefits. But leaving work at work becomes even more challenging when it lives with you.
Search Google for time management tips and youll see 365 million possibilities. No matter the vocation, finding ways of doing good with our lives while we do good with our hands is something we all long for. I’m still learning, but there are a few things I’ve discovered along the way on keeping work at work.
1. Time
Time can be such a threatening word in a world that never seems to have enough of it. One of my favorite ways to make the most of the days I’ve been given is to use my calendar for more than scheduling meetings and project deadlines.
I make appointments with myself, blocking time for strategizing and goal-setting, reading and research, and tackling administrative tasks. I even block time to simply enjoy time with othersto catch up with colleagues over coffee or to serve someone in need.
I’ve found that the task list seems to get done when its transformed into bite-sized chunks on a calendar. The focus moves from theres so much to do to this is what Im going to focus on right now.
2. Focus
Focus is often thwarted by things like anxiety and stress. The calendar is one way to help with the focus. But there’s something else I’ve found that helps me rightly focus the day before that calendar chirps its first appointment.
My day begins with worship. Most mornings, I’ll read scripture, journal my thoughts, and spend time in honest, gut-level prayer. I’ll admit, there are some days the prayers are happening in the shower and the scripture is a song on the radio.
Quiet time isn’t a revolutionary thought at all. But its often the first thing thats pushed to the side when the days are full and all those around us feel the impact of that sacrifice.
3. Sacrifice
The word sacrifice jarred me to my core as I sat in the doctors office and heard the words, “You are not OK.”
I thought about my husband and son, about my family and friends. I thought about the staff that trusted me to lead them. About people who trusted me to serve them. And I thought about God, the very One I had said was my Lord and my Guide.
For every what I was willing to sacrifice to do everything well while never having enough time to get it all done, there was a who. My own unwillingness to leave work at work caused everyone around me to carry the load.
My own all-in, out-of-control rodeo ride revealed my disregard for others. I thought about my heritage, and the history I didn’t want to repeat.
So I learned to invite others to ride on that see-saw with me, to help me lean in and share strength and trust and breathe. I have a trusted group of souls who ask the hard questions about my focus and my time.
I ask permission rather than forgiveness of those who are closest to me in the necessary seasons of all-in. And I’m embracing the power of confession from James 5:16: Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results.
Ronne Rock finds joy in helping people discover their true story. A former church communications director and corporate marketing executive, she now shares her more than 30 years of leadership prowess with churches and other faith-based organizations, and she travels the world to curate story that changes stories. Ronne narrates life with words and imagery, and finds the redemptive threads that inspire others to action. Connect with her on Facebook and via Twitter or Instagram, and read her stories at https://RonneRock.com.
Reposted with permission. This article originally appeared here.
We love featuring the work of many different experts and thought leaders on marriage. Want to contribute to our blog? Email admin@marriedpeople.org to find out more.
by Guest Writer | Nov 16, 2017 | Leadership, Training
A noble leader answers not to the trumpet calls of self promotion, but to the hushed whispers of necessity. —Mollie Marti
I remember way back when I thought I could do it all myself. Sure, there was a ton of work leading my first childrens’ ministry. We had about 75 kids and 20 volunteers. I was busy but it was manageable.
When we grew to 100 kids and still only had 20 volunteers I felt pretty stretched. It was then that I learned that if I wanted to lead a successful and growing ministry to children and their families, I had to have a strong volunteer team that was equipped and encouraged to lead.
God wants us to be noble leaders. Like the quote says above, the nobility of true leadership does not include self-promotion. As leaders in the church, we are to constantly be giving away the most basic thing that we possess: our leadership platform.
When a leader encourages and equips their volunteer team to lead in their place, amazing things can happen. How do you inspire passion and drive in your team so that they pick up the torch and lead the charge?
Lead From Vision
The biggest thing you can do to build leaders on your team is to give them the vision. Scripture says that where there is no vision the people perish. That means where there is vision the people will flourish.
Have Values The Team Remembers
If you have a million values and they are long and wordy I can guarantee you that your team wont use them to grow in their volunteer role.
If your volunteers aren’t using your values to grow, then they aren’t developing into leaders. Make them simple and live by them!
The values in my ministry are Fun, Learning, Relationships, and Innovation.
Give Them The Good Stuff
If you don’t give your volunteers the good opportunities they will never grow as leaders.
Give them the microphone. Let them lead the big event. Let them in on navigational discussions. When volunteers get good opportunities to lead they will lead!
Don’t Micromanage, Ever
Micromanaging is never good. Leaders that micromanage lead from a place of weakness and insecurity. Let your volunteers soar. It is OK if your fingerprint isn’t on it.
When your volunteers are encouraged and equipped to lead you will have opportunities to grow your ministry way farther than ever before. Take the plunge! Develop those volunteers!
Joe McAlpine has been in ministry for over a decade, serving in staff leadership at churches ranging in attendance from 500 to 7,000. In 2015, Joe joined the team at Slingshot Group and works toward helping great churches connect with great teams. Joe has been happily married to his wife Christy for longer than he can remember and has four children, Elijah, Selah, David, and Elisabeth. In his spare time, you can find him hanging with the family and playing his ukulele.
Reposted with permission from Orange Leaders.
We love featuring the work of many different experts and thought leaders on marriage. Want to contribute to our blog? Email admin@marriedpeople.org to find out more.
by Guest Writer | Nov 9, 2017 | Faith, Outreach
They sit in your services every week. They worship alongside you. They listen to your sermons. They serve Christ with hearts crushed by the weight of an empty cradle. They are infertile.
The heart of God is touched by infertility. Marriages affected by it are found throughout the Bible: Abraham and Sarah, Elkanah and Hannah, Zechariah and Elizabeth.
Marriages touched by infertility are also found throughout our churches. One out of every eight married couples struggles with unwanted childlessness. How do you minister to those who are hurting and sometimes overlooked?
Allow me to share some practical ways to help.
Be Sensitive
Be sensitive on hard days like Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. Pray for couples who desire to be parents.
If you give gifts to moms and dads, have a gift available to those struggling with infertility and loss. Perhaps a card sharing how you pray for them: strength on hard days; timely encouragement; healing for diseases that affect conception; healing for grief over losses; strength for marriage.
Understand their Grief
Many infertile couples experience miscarriage. Minister to married couples as if they were grieving a two-year-old. The death of a child at any age is a devastating loss.
Never say: You can always have another baby. Even if they are blessed with a home full of other children, they will always grieve this baby.
Host a Memorial
Host a memorial service honoring and remembering miscarried and stillborn babies to the married couples in your community.
Protect Their Hearts
Protect hearts that are already hurting. Don’t ask women who are infertileor who have miscarriedto host baby showers or help with Mothers’ Day events.
Create a Small Group
Launch a small group for couples who are walking through infertility.
Discuss tensions that can grow between husbands and wives and ways to communicate through the process. Discuss grief, doubts, and Gods faithfulness. And consider opening it up as a community-wide group.
Recognize the Cycle
Remember that infertile couples grieve anew every 28 days, when another cycle signals another failed attempt at conception.
As leaders, youre familiar with Philippians 4:13, yet ministry begins with verse 14: Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction, (NASB).
Certainly, God gives infertile couples strength to ride that 28-day roller coaster of expensive medications, doctors appointments, and anxiety, not knowing until the end of the ride if they will be released or confined for another 28 days.
Nevertheless, when you walk alongside couples struggling with infertility, when you make a difficult season a little less isolating, when you share their affliction, you have done well.
Beth Forbus, founder of Sarahs Laughter: Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss, has written three books on infertility and loss, including an Infertility Bible study for groups. If you have questions about launching your own infertility ministry, please email her at beth@sarahs-laughter.com. For more info, including daily devotions, please visit www.sarahs-laughter.com.
We love featuring the work of many different experts and thought leaders on marriage. Want to contribute to our blog? Email admin@marriedpeople.org to find out more.
by Guest Writer | Oct 26, 2017 | Outreach
When Tonya and I were engaged, we had a couples wedding shower. We opened toasters, potholders and a vase. I was grateful, but none of that really captured my attention. Then, we were handed a heavy box. My memories of Christmas always told me that the best dude-gifts were heavy!
We opened the box with great anticipation. It was a tool set! I’d never owned my own tools, so I was pretty amped up. Included in that tool set was a steel-shafted hammer.
Twenty-three years later we still use that hammer weekly. The toaster burned up. The potholders went out of style. But the hammer? It still works. It’s hard to break a hammer. What about that vase we got at the shower, you ask? Let’s just say one hammer plus one vase… you do the math.
As a church leader, staff member or volunteer leader, there are some essentials we can use to fill our pastoral tool boxes, tools that will last. The following are four great tools to keep handy when we talk with couples who are stuck or struggling.
1. Listen
Ask the simple question, “What brought you here?” Then sit back and listen.
2. Remind Them, It’s Not You It’s Me
Most marital issues are actually issues of the heart. James 4:1 reminds us that fights come because we many times we just want our own way. Point couples to Ephesians 5:33 and help them understand that our focus has to go off of what we want and on to what the other person needs.
3. Lead Them To Date Again
After helping a couple refocus, encourage them to rekindle their dating relationship. Have them alternate who plans the date.
When he plans, he sets up a date that would focus on her likes. And vice-versa. The spouse that is recipient of the date must not complain if the planner doesn’t get it quite right! It may take some trial-and-error, but trying is the key.
4. Offer Hope
They are there because they have lost hope of a great marriage. God wants the best for their marriage. Thats amazing hope!
Counseling can be intimidating sometimes. Remember that God has given you what you need to offer life and help. Let Him stretch you as you pour into couples.
You may find that sometimes the deeper you dig, the more youll realize this situation may take more experience or time than you currently have. If you begin to realize you need a tool that is not in your toolbox, seek help with a local licensed counselor who will dispense Gods Word along with psychological help.
Or seek an organization like Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. There is likely a counselor in your area or many of them provide Facetime or Skype counseling as well.
Kirk Stewart is the Discipleship Pastor at First Southern Baptist Church in Bryant, AR. Hes passionate about building spiritual depth in people, marriages and families and is a speaker and Biblical counselor. You can reach him on Twitter @kirklstewart.
We love featuring the work of many different experts and thought leaders on marriage. Want to contribute to our blog? Email admin@marriedpeople.org to find out more.
by Guest Writer | Aug 22, 2017 | Leadership, Spotlight
by Jessica Asbell
I am currently leading the charge in helping our families strengthen their marriages by using the MarriedPeople strategy.
I am actually the Children’s Minister at my church.
And I have never been married.
So it might seem odd that I’m the one implementing the MarriedPeople strategy.
But, I am a child of divorce. My parents divorced when I was very small. My mother married my stepfather when I was six, but they divorced when I was twelve. So I know the pain and the issues with trust that come from being a child of divorce.
So when Ted Lowe and Doug Fields spoke about the MarriedPeople strategy and their book, Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last, at the Orange Conference a few years ago, it resonated with me. They talked about how one of the best things you can do for the children in your ministry is to help keep their parents marriages together. This statement may not seem earth-shattering, but it blew me away.
As the Children’s Minister, I could actually do something to help the kids in my ministry not have to go through the anger and pain I experienced. So I bought their book and excitedly brought it to our Minister to Young Families. He liked the idea, but it wasn’t the right time.
This year, he became our Senior Pastor. I brought up the idea again, and we began implementing the strategy. So far we have partnered the date nights with our Parent’s Night Out, had our first large group event, and done our first small group study.
I’ve heard stories of funny nicknames that were revealed in the large group, and that one couple who are with each other 24/7 actually didn’t get any of the questions right in their Not So Newlywed game!
Our couples have responded very well to these events and they are having a blast with it. Is it awkward for me that I’m single and doing a marriage strategy? Sometimes.
There are times when I’m not sure where I fit with this: Should I be at the event even though I’m not the target audience, or should I be with the children—since I am the Children’s Minister? But in the end, it’s totally worth it.
Ministry to children involves their families as well. And if I can help their parents marriage, then I am a better minister to those precious kiddos.
Jessica Asbell in the Childrens Minster at First Baptist Church Roswell in Roswell, GA.
We love featuring the work of many different experts and thought leaders on marriage. Want to contribute to our blog? Email admin@marriedpeople.org to find out more.
