by Ted Lowe | Apr 26, 2017 | Training
Orange Conference 2017- Breakout Notes
MarriedPeople INTERACTIVE
Wednesday, April 26th 3:00-4:15pm
Speakers: Todd Graham (@Toddgraham83) & Ted Lowe (@tedlowe)
INDIVIDUAL COUPLES
DATE NIGHTS
Why Date Nights?
- Date nights are what couples have asked for and understand
- Date nights help couples laugh
- Date nights help couples affirm each other
- Date nights help couples know each other
- Date nights give couples relational wins
How To’s
- On-Site pick up
Pros
Cons
Childcare
- Online download
Pros
Cons
Childcare
- On-Site pick up And Online download combo
Pros
Cons
- Childcare
5 Things That Will Make or Break Your Individual Couple Experiences
- Promotion
- Male and Female friendly: promo and presentation
- Step-by-Step Instructions
- Childcare
- Follow Up: email reminders, posters, promote the rest of the strategy.
MarriedPeople Monthly
SMALL GROUPS
Why Small Groups?
- Small Groups create community
- Small Groups promote accountability
- Small Groups stimulate faith
How To’s
- Start One
- Be Flexible
- Highlight One
6 Things That Will Make or Break Your Small Group Experiences
- Promotion
- Reluctant but willing leaders.
- The time factor
- The guy factor
- Easy Application
Show an example of an exercise
- Follow-Up
LARGER GROUP EXPERIENCES
Whys?
- Larger Group Experiences help to elevate marriage
- Larger Group Experiences help normalize struggle and hope
- Larger Group Experiences an opportunity to promote laugher and fun
- Larger Group Experiences make it easier to be male (and female) friendly
- Larger Group Experiences create a platform for a relevant message
- Larger Group Experiences give you opportunities to promote next steps
- Larger Group Experiences are great for outreach
How To’s
- One-night events
- Weekend retreats (away from church)
- Weekend retreats (at church)
- Sunday services
6 Things That Will Make or Break Your Large Group Experiences
- Promotion
- Look and Feel
- Transitions
- Hosts
- Choosing live or video teaching
- Follow-Up
Check out the MarriedPeople Annual Strategy Pack at https://marriedpeople.org/strategypack
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
by Ted Lowe | Apr 26, 2017 | Training
Orange Conference 2017- Breakout Notes
USING ONE-NIGHT EVENTS TO REACH YOUR NEIGHBORS
Wednesday, April 26th 11:00 am – 12:00 pm
Speakers: Ted Lowe & Matt Engle
In 2001, we started creating quarterly, one-night marriage events at our church. I knew one of our biggest hurdles would be to make the event appealing to the men of our church. Notice, I said the men of our church, emphasis on church. Because I never dreamed that a marriage event would be a good place for our regular attenders to invite their non-church going or non-believing family, friends, and neighbors . . . especially if they happen to be male. Why? Because, typically, it’s men who don’t want to talk about their marriages.
But as church leaders, we shouldn’t be too quick to judge men for their lack of want to. One study showed that marriage ministry is perceived as boring, outdated, and preachy. When that’s the case, why would men want to attend? That study is about 10 years old, and for the last decade, I have watched church leaders from all over the country change how they approach marriage ministry. The unexpected benefit: people who they never dreamed would come to their church, come to their church. Why?
Two main reasons:
- People told me countless times that it is easier to ask someone to a “marriage thing” on Saturday night, than to Sunday morning church.
- People don’t have to love Jesus to want their marriage to work. So people’s desire to have a better, good or even great marriage, often trumps many of their hesitancies about church.
When you combine those two powerful reasons with a great marriage event at your church, you can often have a great impact on the marriages of church AND your community. Here are six ways to make marriage events the best entry point into your church.
1) Think non-believer. As you share what the Bible has to say about marriage, remember not everyone knows the Bible. They may have never heard phrases like, “two becoming one.”
2) Think feminine AND masculine. Ask yourself each step of the way, “Will our marketing and programming appeal to women AND men?”
3) Think fun. Nothing disarms a crowd like humor, so use humor but keep it classy.
4) Think less for more. Often when you teach less, people learn more.
5) Think application. Help people to easily practice the biblical principle you presented at your event. Give couples just one go and do they can actually do.
6) Think, now what? Many marriage events are filled with five years worth of content with no, “now whats.” What if you flipped this on its head by giving couples one principle with one application and many “now-whats,” like the date of your next event, date night ideas, small groups, counseling, etc.
I never dreamed marriage events would be the best place to invite a 34-year-old man who hadn’t been to church since he was 12, but the attendees at my church schooled me on that one. In this case at least, I love it when I’m wrong.
To see how churches are living out these two reasons and six ways, go to MarriedPeople Leaders to join our closed Facebook page for church leaders. Yes, it’s a closed group, but ask to join and we will let you in.
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
by Ted Lowe | Apr 26, 2017 | Training
Orange Conference 2017: Breakout Notes
OUR BEST US
Breakout Notes for Wednesday, April 26th 9:30 am – 10:30 am
Speaker: Ted Lowe
So what does it take to have a great marriage?
- Hard work?
- Compatibility?
- Chemistry?
- Communication?
While there is truth in all of the above, perhaps we have over-estimated all four. After 15 years of working with married couples I think we have bought into the following myth: great marriages take great chemistry, compatibility, hard work and communication—or a mysterious combination thereof.
And while the answers to what it takes to have a great marriage can be confusing, there is one thing that is not. It’s the damage of what I call the For ME Mindset, which asks a powerful question.
Is this marriage working for me?
The For Me Mindset leads many people to put divorce on the table as an option. And while we unfortunately all know someone who had no choice but divorce, for most couples, it is not the right or best option. And Jesus was clear when He was asked if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. He responded with . . .
“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:6-9 NIV).
The abuse of this passage leads some Christians to not treat their spouse the way they deserve, because they know their spouse doesn’t believe in divorce. But the heart of this passage leads to a different, better mindset that asks a better question.
What am I doing to make this marriage work?
That is a For US Mindset. This is powerful way in which to view every area of your marriage. Perhaps the most powerful thing it does is that it requires us to take divorce off the table.
But how do we make it a habit?
Choose one area in your marriage to view through the grid of the For US Mindset . . .
What am I doing to make this marriage work?
Give a try for one week, then let us know how it works!
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
by Ted Lowe | Mar 21, 2017 | Leadership
by Ted Lowe
I talked to a leader of a parachurch organization who is very passionate about helping marriages. He wanted to do that through the local church. He had tried for years to help churches help marriages by providing them with resources.
He told me he was done trying.
He said he was going directly to couples with his resources, because church leaders dont care about helping married couples. Did I want to hit him? Yes, a little. Of course church leaders want to help marriages! They, perhaps more than anyone, see the impact of broken marriages.
But if I’m being honest, I understand, to a degree, why he feels the way he does. We talk to church leaders all the time who want to help couples, but don’t. Why? A million reasons, but the biggest reason can be summed in one word: busyness.
Church leaders have a ton on their plates and while they want to help married couples, they struggle with the constant reality that Sunday is coming and all the details and prep that requires. What you want to do can easily get pushed aside by what you have to do right now.
But when you get proactive vs. reactive with the marriages in your church, you move on from the land of ”That’s a great idea . . . for some day . . . when we have some margin.”
So if you find yourself in the category of wanting to help marriages but not having the time, here are a couple of easy wins any leader can do or better yet, hand off to a volunteer.
- Date Nights. Help couples date by giving them ready-made date nights. MarriedPeople has a lot of options you can choose from or check around online. We like ours best because they give couples step-by-step instructions instead of broad ideas, and can be done by any couple in any community at any economic level. If you can, provide childcare. Not having childcare is a date deal killer for a lot of couples. You can provide these dates in physical format (PDF) or online.
- Articles. Email couples links to your favorite blogs and other online resources. You can create your own email magazine or newsletter (also known as an E-ZINE), or check out MarriedPeople Monthly. We create a monthly email newsletter/magazine that gives couples go-and-dos they can actually go and do. You send the email to the married people at your church every month through an email management tool, like Constant Contact or MailChimp. We also have articles for couples on the MarriedPeople Couples blog.
- Partnering couples with couples. Every couple needs a couple down the road, one who has been married longer and has some more life experience. Pair couples with other down the road couples who are great listeners. Often times, these couples can provide just what a younger couple needs. Encourage them to simply grab a meal and get honest. As you find time, provide them with a few questions to get them started.
Many, if not most, married couples aren’t antagonistic towards each other, they are just disconnected. When you help couples laugh, think, talk to each other and others, it helps them re-connect or perhaps connect for the first time.
Trust yourself on what tools to provide and relationships to encourage. Your expert knowledge of busyness can help you know what couples can and will actually do.
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
by Ted Lowe | Feb 28, 2017 | Leadership, Training
by Ted Lowe
Four times a year, I have the privilege of sharing at a marriage retreat for an organization called Myles Apart. Myles Apart was started by my dear friends, Tina and Sam Dula, after their son Myles was diagnosed with autism. Each quarter, this marriage retreat ministers to six couples who have children with autism and other special needs. These couples do indeed need a retreat.
While everyone’s story is unique, these couples always have similar struggles: the financial burden of expensive therapies, the lack of time as a couple and guilty feelings that they aren’t or can’t do enough to help their children. While they have similar struggles, the way they cope can be very different. In fact, for some, autism has been the thing that has made them closer than ever before. For others, it’s the thing that has pushed them further apart. So, what’s the difference in these two types of couples? The answers are relevant to ALL married couples.
INTENTIONAL PERSPECTIVE
The couples that are thriving have a different perspective than the couples who are struggling. This perspective didn’t just happen, almost all of them had a defining moment when one or both of them decided to change their perspective. One lady said, “One day, I decided I was going to stop using my husband as a punching bag and start using him for a soft place to land.” Couples who are thriving see each other as a team who work together instead of two opponents who compare whose life is harder.
INTENTIONAL HELP
Couples that are thriving accomplish what can seem like the impossible task of finding outside help they can actually afford. They make the hard ask of their family and friends to help them love this child with some very special needs. They realize that they have to have time to recharge their batteries if they are going to give their child the love and care they need.
You don’t have to have a child with special needs to take a cue from these couples. Just like them, it’s easy to play the ”My life is harder than yours game” with our spouse. The next time you catch yourself playing that game, stop and thank your spouse for what they do for the family. It will not only make them want to work harder, but they will appreciate what you do more as well.
Secondly, find some help. So many times we take everything on by ourselves, leaving no space for our marriage. Send the kids to grandmas, or ask a friend to take a kid to practice so you can have a weekly or bi-monthly date night. Feel guilty? Then trade favors. Chances are other parents need some time together too.
While not every couple has a child with special needs, every marriage has special needs. What are you doing to meet the special needs of your marriage?
Ted Lowe is a speaker and the director of MarriedPeople, the marriage division at Orange. Ted is the author of two books—one for marriage ministry leaders (Married People: How Your Church Can Build Marriages That Last) and one for married couples (Your Best US: Marriage Is Easier Than You Think). He served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church. He lives near Atlanta, Georgia, with his four favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their three children.
