I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded. I’ve been criticized more than I’ve been complimented. I’ve been thrown into circumstances that I’ve never been in before more times than I’ve found myself somewhere familiar.
Because of those truths, it makes me fearful that those trends will continue and I will ultimately find myself unemployed, alone and isolated.
Maybe you can relate. I make decisions worried that it won’t work out. I assign tasks scared that they won’t follow through. I lead the team into the future doubting that goals will be accomplished. Sound familiar?
Don’t get me wrong. I wish that fear wasn’t a part of my life. I sincerely hope that one day I’ll be in a place where I have so much confidence that fear dare not rear its ugly face. But that day is not today.
The truth is that we leaders don’t do a good job at all of sharing these fears. We don’t want to get vulnerable or seem like we dont have it all together. Although I don’t advocate this, I completely understand. But I have come to find over the many years of leadership that we all share at least some of these fears.
1. Fear of Failure
This fear goes beyond the common dislike of failure. No one likes to fail. Although good things can come from failure, it’s never a good feeling when you do fail.
The fear that I’m talking about here is the one where you obsess about the possibility of failure. Rather than immediately thinking about what could happen if you succeed, you’re consumed by what will happen if you fail.
Ever been there? You’ve been given a promotion or a new assignment at work and the only thing you find yourself thinking about is what happened to the last guy and how he failed. Or you stay awake at night thinking through what if scenarios that all end in you being fired or causing the organization to go bankrupt.
The fear of failure makes you stay where its familiar a little too long and prevents you from reaching new heights and accomplishing greater things.
2. Fear of Criticism
This one is tough for me. Other people’s words and descriptions about me matter to me. Not to the point where I think I’m a people-pleaser, but they do impact me more than they should. When I am criticized, I can remember every word spoken and every nonverbal action exhibited. I can remember, specifically, criticisms that I received over 20 years ago (I know, I need to let it go).
But because of this, in my leadership, I find that I am paralyzed when faced with the possibility of criticism.
Do you connect with that idea? You’ve just been put on a team with the most critical person on the teamyou know, the person who is critical of every idea that isn’t their own It doesn’t matter what you suggest or do, you will be criticized.
As leaders, we can’t allow others words to keep us from leading our team forward. The fear of criticism forces you into a place where you only recycle old ideas and limit your creative output.
3. Fear of Inadequacy
Maybe my story is unique, but I’m guessing that it’s not. I dont think I’ve ever been the leader of a group or organization in which I felt I had what it took to succeed. When faced with something new, I immediately feel this comparison game start to creep in and how others could do it much better than I could.
Do you compare yourself, too? It can be someone we work with or a peer in the industry. We look at them and we immediately think that they have it all figured out and we don’t. The reality is that the fear of inadequacy is a no-win proposition.
There will always be people doing it better. And there will always be people that appear to be doing it better. The fear of inadequacy diminishes the gifts and skills you have and hides them away until they die and are no longer useful to you.
4. Fear of Success
I’ve seen this one over and over. I have seen people at the point of graduating from college who fail a class just so they dont have to leave the comfort of what they’ve come to know for the last few years. That’s how this fear manifests itself most often.
I want you to hear and be encouraged by this: If you have fear as you lead, you are completely normal. There is nothing wrong with you. It absolutely does not mean that you shouldn’t be in leadership at all. Both are thoughts that I’ve had before.
What to Do About These Fears?
Before going any further, let’s take a look at four fears in particular. These are four fears that I believe many leaders have in common. Some of these are more overt fears than others, but if you have any of them, it could be the reason that you arent reaching your potential as a leader.
Do you find that you’re too comfortable? When it’s time for change or a new direction, do you resist it in lieu of staying where everything is familiar? If so, this may be a fear for you. Success brings with it new expectations, new problems and new ambiguity. And, that’s not always appealing to everyone.
When you’ve experienced success, you may find that youre asking whether it was worth it. Your event grew by 50% this year, so next year you need to make it grow another 50%. Which will take more people, energy, budget, etc. Fear of success keeps you where its comfortable and prevents you from taking the organization forward.
Those fears in my leadership have caused me to make poor decisions, no decisions and late decisions. When I am fearful, I make horrible decisions because fear blinds me rather than opening my eyes to all of the possibilities. When I am fearful, I make no decisions because fear causes me to wait rather than act. When I am fearful I make decisions that are far too late to be effectivebecause fear causes me to hesitate rather than take a step forward.
So, which of these fears do you immediately connect with? We all have them. And Ive found that talking about them and saying them out loud will actually help us overcome them more easily. I believe theres more for you and I dont want fear to be the thing holding you back.
Reposted with permission. This blog originally appeared here.
Tim Parsons wears a lot of hats, but his favorites include husband, daddy, and Lead Pastor at The Journey Church in Avon, IN. You can find his words online in several places where he typically writes about Leadership, Marriage, and Parenting. He’s been married to the love of his life, Consuela, for over 15 years and they have 4 children. His hobbies include dipping fries in ranch dressing, correcting other’s grammar mistakes in his head, scrolling through Facebook just shaking his head, and overusing hashtags. Check out more from Tim at www.timparsons.me and www.timandconsuela.com.
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