OC18 Breakout Notes: Marriage Events Overhaul

OC18 Breakout Notes: Marriage Events Overhaul

The 10 Commandments for Hosting a Killer Marriage Event, Date Night, or Comedy Show

  1. Thou Shalt Not Trust Only Posters
    What motivates people to attend an event?
  2. Thou Shalt Not Eat
  3. Thou Shalt Not Be Boring, Outdated, Preachy, or Feminine
  4. The Emcee Shalt Be Excellent
  5. The Seating Shalt Matter
  6. The Staging Shalt Matter
  7. The Sound Shalt Matter
  8. Thou Shalt Not Go Three Hours
  9. Thou Shalt Not Include an Infidelity Recovery Story
  10. Thou Shalt Skip the Wrap-up
OC18 Breakout Notes: Combining Parenting and Marriage Ministry

OC18 Breakout Notes: Combining Parenting and Marriage Ministry

  • In America, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. — McKinley Irvin, US Census Bureau
  • Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage. — Furstenberg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill, “Life Course”
  • 60% of children of divorce walk away from their faith. — The Journal of the Scientific Study of Religion
  • “Divorce statistics represent all marriages and have absolutely nothing to do with any individual marriages. Our own chances depend on our own situations especially the way we approach marriage.” — James M Henslin, Essentials of Sociology
  • Families are not statistics. Families are stories.
  • Don’t just be shocked into silence by divorce statistics, be impassioned into action.
  • The two top priorities of Millennials:
    • 1. To be a great parent
    • 2. To have a great marriage
    • Pew Research
  • Two combined forces are more powerful together than either could be alone.
  • When a church designs a simple, strategic path that strengthens marriage and family, everyone wins.
  • The power of strategy sometimes lies in the things you choose not to do.
  • Larger Group Experiences
    • 74% of those who participate in special events feel more connected with their faith community.
    • 70% believe special events allow them to meet others of their faith.
    • 69% agree that special event attendance actually strengthens their faith.
    • 56% affirm that these events help them overcome life’s difficulties.
    • 49% agree special events make evangelizing easier.
  • Marriage & Family Tools
  • MarriedPeople

     

  • Parent Cue

  • What we learned from Lighthouse Church
    • Get the leaders of marriage and parenting in the room together to lay an annual plan.
    • Spotlight your combined strategy with a combined event or month.
    • Marriage impacts all of us. We are all raising future husbands and wives.
    • Our posture is always hope—we are not focused on regret. We are focused on redemption.
  • Next steps to partner together
    • Combined team meeting
    • Determine first steps with large groups, small groups, marriage, and family tools
    • Create annual calendar
OC18 Breakout Notes: Marriage Ministry 101

OC18 Breakout Notes: Marriage Ministry 101

  • The Suffocation Model: “Culturally we are asking much of our marriages, but doing little to make it happen.” — Eli J Finkel, The All-or-Nothing Marriage
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
    • Physiological
    • Safety
    • Belonging
    • Esteem
    • Self-Actualization
  • “In marriage, we want it all—but we want it on the cheap.” — Eli J Finkel, The All-or-Nothing Marriage
  • What do we do as the local church?
    • Myth: Worship services and small groups are enough.
    • Myth: Couples will call us if they need us.
    • Myth: It’s never too late.
    • Myth: We will alienate people if we focus on marriage.
  • Bottom line: Marriage is important to everyone.
  • Why is marriage the church’s business?
    • Marriage is an illustration of Christ and the Church.
    • Kids need great models of marriage.
    • We are raising future husbands and wives.
    • Marriage is a spiritual issue.
  • But how? Teach a new, old view.
    • “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21
    • Race to the back of the line!
    • Core 4 Habits
      • Have Serious Fun
      • Love God First
      • Respect and Love
      • Practice Your Promise
    • Less content, more often
  • Larger Group Experiences
    • Worship Services
    • Retreats
    • One-Night Events
  • Larger Group Statistics
    • Special events have significant appeal to those ages 18-45 years old.
    • 49% agree special events make evangelizing easier.
    • 57% of churchless Americans would prefer a different introduction to church vs. Sunday Services.
    • 74% of those who participate in special events feel more connected with their faith community.
    • 70% believe special events allow them to meet others of their faith.
    • 69% agree special event attendance strengthens their faith.
    • 56% affirm these events help them overcome life’s difficulties.
    • 49% agree special events make evangelizing easier.
  • Small Group Experiences
    • “Community isn’t community any more, it is just a collection of homes.” — Sebastian Junger, The Quest for Tribe
    • “The biggest issue in U.S. is that we no longer need each other.”
    • “We now ask our lovers for the emotional connection and sense of belonging that my grandmother could get from a whole village.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
    • “I mean that I want us to help each other with the faith we have. Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you.” — Romans 1:12 NCV
  • Small Group Options
    • Start One
    • Change One
  • Individual Couples
    • Cities with major league baseball teams have a 28% lower divorce rate.
    • Date Nights
    • MarriedPeople Monthly
    • MarriedPeople Podcast
    • MarriedPeople Blog

  • Healthy couples have a “love map,” they place in the brain where they store all important information about their spouse’s life. — Dr. John Gottman
  • What if we do marriage ministry right?
    • Marriage makes Christ and the Church look really good.
    • Kids have marriage models that make marriage look really good.
    • There is, perhaps, no greater relationship that God uses to make us more like him than marriage.
OC18 Breakout Notes: Volunteer-led Marriage Ministry

OC18 Breakout Notes: Volunteer-led Marriage Ministry

You can do this!

Key Questions

  • What is the main goal?  (Get one great phrase)
  • Does the ministry align with the mission of the church?
  • Will the ministry create competing systems?

Create a strategy

Core 4 Habits from Married People (marriedpeople.org)

Married People touch points throughout the year

Married People Strategy:

  • Large Group Experiences
  • Small Group Experiences
  • Individual Couple Experiences
    • Date Nights
    • MP Monthly
    • MP Podcast

Become familiar with your tools & resources

USE these & make them YOURS

They come from YOUR inbox!

Use your Social media & special email account

Married People Leaders group on FB

People Follow Passion

  • Connect with a team of people who get it to be on your team before you launch.
  • We are better together!

Volunteers

Critical Job descriptions

  • Logistics Director
  • Volunteer Coordinator
  • Production Master

Calendar your Strategy

 Think Long term impact, not just an event 

Things to consider

  • Budget (Charging for events?)
  • Childcare ?
  • Work with other ministry areas for a mutual win (Children’s & Youth)

Get Church Leadership on board

  1. Make an appointment
  2. Be brief, but clear
  3. Explain the need within the church
  4. Bring your plan & share the vision
    Who, What, When, Where, & Why’s
  5. Ask for what you need. (How can the pastor best help?)
  6. Follow up and keep leadership informed!

Promote every chance you get

The Married People Strategy Pack contains everything you need: Posters, videos, post card templates, & social media posts

OC18 Breakout Notes: Marriage Ministry 201

OC18 Breakout Notes: Marriage Ministry 201

  • Kids whose grandparents have divorced have weaker ties to their parents, don’t go as far in school, and don’t get along as well with their spouses. —Sociologists Paul Amato and Jacob Cheadle
  • 60% of children whose parents have divorced walk away from their faith. — The Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion
  • Marriage is not a stat. Marriage is a story.
  • Faith and Family: 3 City Initiative
    • Phoenix, AZ
    • Dayton, OH
    • Jacksonville, FL
  • 3 City Initiative Results
    • Dayton, OH divorce rate dropped by 9%
    • Jacksonville, FL divorce rate dropped by 25%
    • That equals more than 1,000 families impacted
  • U.S. Marriage Project  (2004)
    • $200 million spent in government grants
    • Result: little to no impact
  • The Difference? The local church
  • In the next 60 seconds
    • $752,500 spent on Amazon
    • 16 million texts sent
    • 156 million emails
    • 4.1 million views on YouTube
    • 3.5 million searches on Google
    • 3.5 million logins on Facebook
    • 452,000 tweets
    • 1.8 million snaps on Snapchat
  • What Likes say about us
    • 10 Likes: Facebook knows more about you than your co-workers
    • 70 Likes: Facebook knows more about you than your friends
    • 150 Likes: Facebook knows more about you than your parents
    • 300 Likes: Facebook knows more about you than your spouse
    • 300+ Likes: Facebook knows more about you than you know about yourself
  • What is Big Data?
    • big data (noun): extremely large data sets that are analyzed computationally to reveal patterns, trends, associations, especially relating to human behavior and interactions
  • Arizona State University
    • 16% increase in freshmen class
    • 52% increase in transfer students
    • 14% decrease in drop-outs
  • “One of my brothers, came from Judah with some other men, and I questioned them about the people who had survived the exile, and also about the city, Jerusalem. They said to me, “The people who survive the exile are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of the city is broken down, and it’s gates have been burned with fire.” When I heard these things, I sat down and wept.” — Nehemiah 1:1-4
  • Church One
    • Hosted a marriage series on forgiveness
    • Spent $3,000 on digital advertising
    • 19% growth in attendance
    • 25% attendees did not attend church
  • Church Two
    • Hosted a Date Night Comedy event
    • Spent money on digital advertising
    • 450 new people attended the event
    • 30% never attended that church before
    • 120 married couples did the follow up small group study  
    • Pre and post assessment: Before the event, people rank their marriage on a scale of 1-10. After the event people rank their marriage an average of 4 points higher.
    • 80% chance couples will stay together
  • Church Three
    • Divorce rate in their area highest in February
    • Hosted a sermon series on finances leading up to Christmas
  • Insider Data
    • Attendance
    • Serving
    • Giving
    • Groups
  • Reaching Millennials
    • 58% of millennials raised in church have dropped out
    • Millennials top priorities (Pew Research):
    • 1. To be a great parent
    • 2. To have a great marriage
  • Because parenting and marriage matter to millennials the church can matter more to millennials.
  • Because parenting and marriage matter to everyone the church can matter more to everyone.
  • Helpful links
OC18 Breakout Notes: MarriedPeople Interactive

OC18 Breakout Notes: MarriedPeople Interactive

  • In the U.S., we are working an average of six more hours a week than in 1965.
  • In the U.S., we are working an additional four hours a week doing “hidden work.”
  • “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” Colossians 2:2-3
  • How to Reach Married Couples:
    • Larger Group Experiences
    • Small Group Experiences
    • Individual Couples
  • Larger Group Experiences
    • 74% of those who participate in special events feel more connected with their faith community.
    • 70% believe special events allow them to meet others of their faith.
    • 69% agree special event attendance strengthens their faith.
    • 56% affirm these events help them overcome life’s difficulties.
    • 49% agree special events make evangelizing easier.
  • Game Changers Larger Groups
    • What Happy Couples Know, Andy Stanley
      Bottom Line: Happy couples make it a habit to choose to believe the best.
    • Marriage and Money, Lee & Martica Jenkins
      Bottom Line: Money can either be a point of connection or disconnection in marriage.
    • The Chase, Ted & Nancie Lowe
      Bottom Line: Silly fights cause serious damage because there’s something deeper going on.
    • Kill the Spider, Carlos Whittaker
      Bottom Line: Stop cleaning the cobwebs of sin and instead kill the spider creating the cobwebs.
    • Who is the one couple in your church that you could create a testimonial video of?
  • Small Group Experiences
  • Individual Couples
  • Promotion to Reach Married Couples
    • Use people’s desire for a great marriage to attract them to your church.
    • Social media graphics
  • Leadership Training
  • Next Steps
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